BitSnark

Where witty critique and a love for cool things embrace like a sordid one night stand.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 teaser is stuffed with stuff

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They really need to come up with something a little fresher than The Amazing Spider-Man don’t you think?  I mean literally anything else will do.  Well, nearly anything else.  I don’t want to see ‘Rise of [insert villain]’ or whatever because, well, I’m all risen out and besides there are three bad guys in this movie that Petey Parker tangles with so it would be a crap shoot to see which one of them ends up in the subtitle.

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Written by bitsnark

December 5, 2013 at 1:51 pm

Square-Enix announces Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 ReMIX; due worldwide on PS3 in 2014

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Doing what everybody hoped/knew they would do, Square-Enix has this morning officially announced Kingdom Hearts 2.5 ReMIX.

The compilation is due to release on PlayStation 3 sometime next year.

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Three new Grand Theft Auto V trailers have been released – one for each asshole shitbag character that you get to play!

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Like some sort of apocalyptic herald for servers all over the internet today, those cruel bastards over at Rockstar released not one, but three new trailers for its upcoming epic crime opus Grand Theft Auto V, with each covering one of the three characters that you’ll get to play when the game finally rolls around in September to say “So long and thank you for all the fish” to the current generation of home consoles.

Showcasing the escapades of the three playable scoundrels, Michael, Franklin and Trevor, the videos crucially give us a much more comprehensive insight into the open-world gameplay bliss that we can expect from Rockstar’s fifth core entry in the franchise that decked out all of their executives in posh suits and gave all their cats golden litter trays to shit in.

I mean just fucking look at it.  It has a Queen soundtrack and everything.

Anyhow, you surely didn’t come here to see me wax bitterly about the fact that my moggies are disadvantaged at not having their own luxury shit pits and so it is that I present to you the latest gameplay footage from Grand Theft Auto V.

Tuck in and enjoy.

Written by bitsnark

April 30, 2013 at 3:02 pm

More Marvel Phase-Two goodness – Thor: The Dark World teaser arrives on earth

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With Iron Man 3 due to hit flick rooms in the UK at the end of this week, it wouldn’t be an understatement to say that the appetite of the post-Avengers public for more Marvel goodness is at an all-time high.

Crashing down to earth then, so that it might mingle with us cretinous mere mortals is the first teaser trailer for the Thor: The Dark World.

It appears to spin an epic looking yarn all things told on this first, most meagre of impressions, but already the trailer has done two things right.

Firstly, its margainlised the involvement of Kat Dennings’ limp comic-relief character and secondly, its provides us with the horrendously awesome tease of a mightily disheveled Loki and Thor working together in the face of a common threat.

Speaking of that threat, we see little of Chris Ecclestone‘s main-event antagonist but we’re in early days folks.  Early days.

I have to say though, that so far, this tickles my nerd twangs in some pretty obscene ways.  What about you lot?

Written by bitsnark

April 23, 2013 at 2:53 pm

The Kick-Ass 2 red band trailer is gloriously stupid

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The long-awaited red band trailer for Kick Ass 2 has finally violated the interwebs and as predicted, it exudes many different types of face-numbing awesomeness.

If you didn’t like the first one then you’re not going to like this one either because its safe to say that, tonally at least, the second film appears very similar to the 2010 original.  And well, if you didn’t like the first film why the fuckity did you click on the link to this in the first place?

So yeah, it looks like more Kick-Ass with a wider cast which includes some added Jim Carrey.

Jim Motherfucking Carrey.  Seriously, this could end up being his film; he looks like some sort of dirty, revelation.  Top notch.

Anyway, enough of the froth, catch the trailer below fools:

Written by bitsnark

March 13, 2013 at 4:56 pm

Disney’s ‘Paperman’ short is a heartfelt gem

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I’ve got a bit of a thing for animated shorts at the moment and so I find myself pretty lucky that Disney‘s Paperman has wondered into my domain.

Like Minkyu Lee‘s excellent Adam & Dog short, Paperman has also been nominated for best animated short film at this year’s 85th Academy Awards.

Telling a 1940’s love story in black and white with paper as a central theme, all the while blending traditional animation and computer graphics techniques, Paperman is nothing short of a wistful and charmingly brilliant revelation.

In fact, I dare say that there is more heart-felt emotion and characterisation on display here than in the majority of Dreamworks recent animated output.

Though I guess that’s not exactly a mean-feat or anything though is it?

Anyway, because I’m nice and not a toweringly evil bastard, I’ve linked the video for you to fawn over below.

Don’t forget to crank that sucker up to 1080p.

Paperman is currently nominated for Best Animated Short Film for the 85th Academy Awards and won Best Animated Short Subject at the 39th Annie Awards in 2012 (Adam & Dog won it the previous year in case you’re curious).

Written by bitsnark

February 11, 2013 at 1:06 pm

Minkyu Lee’s Adam and Dog animated short film is a triumph

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I love animated shorts like this.  

Minkyu Lee‘s Oscar nominated Adam and Dog is a compacted retelling of the Adam & Eve fable but with the titular slant of Adam making friends with ‘Dog'; the first of his kind seemingly.

Its modest fifteen minute run-time is over before you know it but within that quarter of an hour of retinal intercourse you’ll be exposed to some of the most gorgeously hand-drawn visuals you’ll have ever seen and a narrative tale that tugs on the heart-strings without its characters ever uttering a single word.

Turn off the lights, park your ass in your most comfortable seat and allow Lee to entrance you with one of the singularly best animated short films in recent memory.

Adam and Dog  is currently nominated for Best Animated Short Film for the 85th Academy Awards and won Best Animated Short Subject at the 39th Annie Awards.

Written by bitsnark

February 10, 2013 at 1:22 pm

MMA News: UFC 157 Preview – Dan Henderson Vs Lyoto Machida

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Dan 'Hendo' Henderson takes on Lyoto 'The Dragon' Machida in the co-main event of UFC 157.

Dan ‘Hendo’ Henderson takes on Lyoto ‘The Dragon’ Machida in the co-main event of UFC 157.

One of the more notable matches on February 23rd’s UFC 157 pay-per-view card is the one that pits wrestling brawler Dan ‘Hendo’ Henderson against Karate wunderkind Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida.

Because the match is likely to be a barn burner and also because I know you’re all just dying to hear me talk shit on the matter, I’m going to do an analytical breakdown thing of how each fighter could achieve victory in just over three weeks time.

There will also be a prediction of the match winner at the end, but read the rest of it first though eh? I’ll know if you don’t.

The rest of it is after the cut.

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New Assassins Creed title due this year; new character, new setting, new button to press

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During its call to stuffy-suit wearing investors who probably don’t give a rodent’s anus about videogames outside of how much paper it can make them, Ubisoft confirmed that not only would there be a new Assassins Creed title (I know right?  The shock.  Please, try to contain yourself) but that it would showcase an all-new character (sorry Connor, better luck next time… Oh wait.) in an all-new time-period.

For the sake of innovation you can also expect to press a new button too.  Pressing ‘A’ after all is so 2007.

Anyhow, i’m somewhat eager to see what the new setting is.  Personally, I think they should pull the trigger on a Japanese setting for the next game and have you play as a ninja, slitting the throats of fat feudal lords and styming your pursuers with caltrops and stuff.

It would be great.  Maybe.

What setting do you think would be a natural fit for the next ‘Creed game?

Written by bitsnark

February 7, 2013 at 8:18 pm

MMA News: Josh Barnett seemingly NOT headed to the UFC after contract refusal

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So Josh Barnett going to the UFC? Yeah, that’s not going to happen now as Barnett’s manager, one Leland LaBarre, has communicated that the ‘Warmaster‘ has officially declined the newest contractual offer by the promotion.

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Frustrated? Yep, I sure am; a veritable slew of entertaining matchups awaits the ‘Warmaster’ in the UFC’s HW division.

Fucking hell Josh.

According to LaBarre, money isn’t the issue; instead citing some “outlying issues” as the impuetus for the contract refusal, “We agreed on guaranteed compensation. In fact, we never even countered. We accepted their original offer.  However, there are some outlying issues — one in particular — that as of this point we were unable to agree on.”

As you might very well guess, the house that Dana White help build had no comment on the situation, but with any luck, we’ll see them around the negotiating table again.

As far as what those issues are however, its anybody’s guess.  Issues with the testing policy?  Not being able to supplement his violent vocation with shows where he just pretends to beat the ever-loving shit out of people? Who knows.

What we do know however is that it’ll be a while until we see the catch-as-catch-can wrestling submission specialist returns to the Octagon.  Barnett, whose record stands at a commendable 32-6, had his last dance in the UFC nearly eleven years ago where on March 22nd, 2002, he leathered the shit out of Randy Couture en route to a TKO victory to become the UFC Heavyweight Champion, only to have the title stripped off of him for pissing hot for banned substances after the bout.

His last fight was against the hilariously over-matched Nandor Guelmino during Strikeforce‘s swansong show in January, ending that particular confrontation in the first round with a suitably nasty arm and triangle choke.

As recently as last week, Dana White was optimistic that he could bring Barnett over to the promotion.  So hopefully they’ll continue their chinwags and their chequebook scratching as the ‘Warmaster’ would match up pretty well with the majority of the HW division and would provide entertaining fights with the likes of Frank Mir, Roy Nelson and recently deposed division king Junior Dos Santos for starters.

What do you folks reckon; would you like to see Barnett doing his thing in the UFC?

Written by bitsnark

February 7, 2013 at 3:35 pm

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